Spanish Fly Fisherman

Now this is a story, all about how my life got flip turned upside down...
And I'd like to take a minute, just sit right there, I'll tell you how I became a teacher in a town called Ansan...
In west California, born and raised...
On the beach is where I spent most of my days...
Chillin out max and relaxin all cool...
And all playing some water polo outside of my school...
Til a couple of guys, who said Korea was good...
Started sending emails to my neighborhood...
I got in one little interview and my mom got scared...
And said "You're moving away from your aunty and uncle to Korea?"...
I whistled for a cab and when it came near, the license plate said 등학교 and it had 시곡초 in the mirror...
If anything I could say that this cab was rare, but I thought 'nah forget it', "Yo homes, to Ansan"...


It's been a while since I wrote about Korea... 3 months I think. While recanting my tales of wonderment and (insert big word here) in Thailand is fun, I believe reporting on the here and now is important too. So here are some highlights from the last 3 months...


Everland:

About a week ago myself and the other 6th grade teachers form my school went to Everland. Like the Korean version of Disneyland. I was a bit apprehensive about going since non of the other teachers really speak English and I had heard that there were a lot of accidents there... But hey, I got to get out of school so...

In fact, this little trip almost didn't happen. The head of the Ansan school board decided that going to an amusement park wasn't 'educational' (what a dick he must be...) and told my school that we couldn't go... So officially, on the form that the school turned in to the government office, we 'went to get art supplies'... And... Because this was an 'official school trip' I got paid, on top of my normal salary... I learned this after the fact, and thought it was pretty cool...

Anyway, so we got there and I was feeling kind of tired, worn down from the day of teaching, i.e., surfing the net... There was 10 of us, 8 of us didn't speak English...

We get there and there's literally 500,000 Korean school children running around, most of them with cat ears on their heads. I look at my watch, only 4 hours and 59 minutes until the park closes...


(Which one of these people stands out?)

Now this is Korea, so if we don't eat soon someone is going to flip the fuck out or something, our first stop is the ice cream stand... I got a chocolate and vanilla swirl cone, it was pretty good...

After this ice cream I felt better, like a kid again, and was ready to ride some rides. Our first ride stop was the Viking. It was a viking ship that swung back and forth, leaving you almost 90 degrees to the ground...



While we were waiting in line my co teacher was laughing at something, I inquired as to her laughing and she told me that there were a lot of country people around... I asked her how she could tell with everyone pretty much wearing the same uniform. She told me that people from the country have a different accent and say different words. I proceeded to teach her the words 'hick' and 'red neck'...

So the viking was fun, more fun than being at school at least... So now everyone is out of work mode, and these people come alive. One of them actually tries to speak English to me, I was shocked!

We proceed to walk to what my co teacher describes as, "more scary ride than Korea". Whatever the hell that means... We walk up to this wooden roller coaster called the T Express. This roller coaster was sponsored by SK telecom (like everything else in this country) and because SK is my carrier, I got access to their special coffee lounge.



Waiting in line I was struck by the mass amounts of graffiti on the walls of the waiting line. I asked my co teacher what some of it meant. "I'm scared", "Love" were what most of them said. Then I say a huge 'FUCK' scratched into one of the wooden posts, it made me feel strangely at home.

So 30 minutes later we were strapped into the ride and ready to go. We take off in a flash and we start climbing, all the Korean babes on the roller coaster are making screaming sounds, oh wait, I look behind me and it was a dude... We drop down the first drop, almost straight down. Now we were going super fast, and the wind was blowing in my eyes making them water, but... My co teacher was like, "You scared? You are crying!" and proceeded to tell all of the other teachers that I was crying... Bitch...

The rest of the day we walked around, ate 2 more times and stuff like that...


Overall Rating: 4/10
Rating for it Being Korea: 7/10



Hangang Marathon:

So I've decided to try my hands, and feet, at running. I never thought about running as a sport before. Just like how I don't think of curls or an exercise bike as a sport, but I was pleasantly surprised. About 2 months prior to the event I get a face book message about doing the 10 km portion of the Hangang marathon, a marathon sponsored by Adidas that is held in Seoul.

So I sign up. Along with another dude from Ansan who is also a teacher. My training regimen consisted of forgetting about the event for a month, and then running like 4 or 5 km twice a week.

A week before the race I did a 10 km training run. My time was 1:15:00, not super fast but hey, fuck you! I did it pretty easy and was feeling great about finishing.

So the day of the event comes around. 4:20AM my alarm goes off. I wake up surprisingly easy. I've found that if I'm going snowboarding or doing something fun I can wake up super easy and stoked in the morning, but if I have to go to work or something, I feel like crap and am super tired... So i get on the first bus of the day to the train station.

On this bus were a mixture of the hardest working people in the world and the laziest people in the world. About half were going to work and the other half were passed out drunk on their way home from the bar... For once in my life I was in the former...

Fast forward...

On the subway...

Transfer trains...

Ok... Me and Brent get to the subway station and see a bunch of other people wearing the shirt and bag that were supplied to us for the run. We walk outside and again, it being Korea, were given food and ushered onto a bus that would take us to the event.



Getting there I was struck by how fucking big the event was and how many Koreans actually ran. Overall I think there were over 20,000 participants in the event.



So we get there, change into out running attire, put our bags in the designated locker area, i.e., put our bag in a garbage bag and give it to a 15 year old Korea boy...

When the time came to line up, we were about a quarter of a mile from the actual starting line, with the full marathoners first, the half marathoners second and us, the lowly 10kers, in the back... There was a Korean guy, the MC I'm guessing, cracking jokes over the PA system the whole time... Every 3 minutes the entire crowd would laugh historically, but I had no idea what the fuck he was saying... He could have been making fun of me, the bastard...



So we're at the starting line, the countdown begins for the 10k. Five, four, three, two, one... Fireworks go off, and we're off. It was slow going at first, with that many people it's naturally hard to get them moving in one direction, much less running. I now know what a cow in a herd of cattle feels like...

There was this super fat Korean guy in front of me. About 45 seconds into the race he stopped running, beads of sweat coming off his face, and started walking. Literally 500 meters from the starting line. He was like a car, off the line in first gear, grinding the gears into second, and finally dropping the transmission onto the ground. What a fat bastard. You'd think he'd know that he's a fat bastard before the day of the 10k... Maybe he just did it for the free shirt, or to get babes...

For the first 3km I felt like I couldn't fucking breathe. I was still running like a thoroughbred, but I wasn't at my top form... Maybe the pollution had something to do with it... Seoul has mad air pollution. Like a smoker coughing green flem on your face, it's pretty gross.

Around km 3 there were about 10 Korean women dressed up as cheerleaders... Which was awesome. "Fighting" they all yelled as I ran by.

'Fighting' is what Korean people say to pump you up. like 'come on!' or 'let's go!'.

Km 5, drink station... Powerade, delicious... Blue, my favorite flavor... I like green flavor too...

Km 7, sponge station... Like getting a hot towel on an airplane, I wasn't quite sure what to do with it. Do I put it in my pants? Do I save it for later??? But most people were squeezing the water on themselves so I did the same... It felt way good, I got a little jolt of energy...



Km 9.9... As I came up to the finish line I was pumped up... The crowd was rawring, the ladies were swooning and... other stuff like that. I finished in a time if 55 minutes and 18 seconds. My goal was to bust it in under an hour, so I succeeded.

Yet again, I was met with food, water and a medal... Everyone got a medal so I didn't feel super awesome about it, but still kind of awesome... Like coming in third in a 5 man race... Or coming in 7th in a 14 man race... You get what I'm saying...

Overall I was super stoked on the marathon... It was a great day for all... Well, I guess someone died of a heart attack while running the race, so, it was a great day for most...


Overall Rating: 9/10
Rating for it Being Korea: 11/10

Other Event Rankings:


Night Life:

Overall Rating: 5/10
Rating for it Being Korea: 5/10


School:

Overall Rating: 6/10
Rating for it Being Korea: 7/10


Co-Teacher Night:

Overall Rating: 7/10
Rating for it Being Korea: 7/10


Live Octopus:

Overall Rating: 8/10
Rating for it Being Korea: 9/10

Me Fui a Thailand Para Tomar y Sufear - Thailand - Part 5

Bauxite, hot dog, Dave Mathews Band, sex with a horse... Hmmm, I don't think that hookah was tobacco...

Today I have a big day ahead of me. I have to buy a bus ticket to Koh Chang, visit the Grand Palace and then drink... Koh Chang is an island about 330 km away from Bangkok. It will be my home for the next 5 nights.

It's about 11 in the A.M. Getting out of bed when you're already sweating is kind of a bitch. I mean, it sets the whole mood for the day, like getting peed on.

Walking down Khao San road I feel surprisingly blase and bored for someone on vacation. All around me there were people selling shirts, people buying fruit, power hippies drinking, dumb blond girls doing dumb blond girl things, people selling wooden frogs... Is this what Thailand is I wondered? Where are all the elephants? Where are the ladies with pointy things on their fingers?

'I have to get out of here' I thought to myself. Khao San road is like Rosarito Mexico, or the bar in From Dusk til Dawn. A good idea that seems awesome but turns out to suck balls.

I needed to experience some real Thailand, I need 300cc's of real Thai culture, stat. So I decided to try and find it, today. I'm going to walk that way until I find it. Oh wait, I'll follow that girl... A block later she turned around and turned out to be a dude, so I walked the other way...

Getting away from Khao San I realized how big this city really is. And how different it can be from the tourist trap that is Khao San. Walking in the direction of the Grand Palace I began to see fewer shirt stands, and fewer power hippies...

The city opened up before me like the mighty doors of a majestic castle, champagne rained down from the jewel encrusted ceiling and elephants danced in a secret garden of azure... God Damn, that hookah was not tobacco... And I think I'm dehydrated.

So I walked into a 7-11 and bought a bottle of water and some Thai red bull. While inside I saw a monk buying a hot dog... I tried to get a spy shot but got mostly my hand... see...



I thought they only ate rice and stuff. I thought Big Gulps were out of the question, but I guess not.

About an hour later I came upon the Grand Palace. Check it out...



One thing about the Grand Palace that I though was pretty bunk was their rule of no shorts allowed. Pants not midgets. Which I think would be fine in the winter, but when it's 95 degrees outside, it fucking sucks. I brought pants with me, but was reluctant to change into them until the last minutes, due to the excessive heat.

So I show up, and find myself in a catch 22 situation. There are no bathrooms outside of the palace, so I would have to go inside to change, but you can't go inside wearing shorts... Fuckers...

So I had to think fast... I went behind the ticket booth and took off my shorts... All of a sudden this Thai dude with a machine gun, I hope he was one of the guards, walks behind the ticket booth, stands like 5 feet away from me, and just stares. At this point I'm wearing boxers and no shoes, and fishing through my backpack for my pants. I see him and stop fishing, and just try to look cool... Like James Bond... This is the epitome of getting caught with your pants down I thought to myself, actually this is the definition... So the guy holds his ground, still staring without saying a word... Is he going to shoot me? I hope he doesn't shoot me in the wiener, I remember thinking to myself.

I find my pants, put them on and zip up. I put my shorts in my backpack and walk past the guy with the machine gun... He turns and watches me as I turn the corner... Wow, that was kind of weird...

The Grand Palace was pretty awesome, temples and statues and stuff... But I needed to mingle with the locals, soak up some local flavor...

About an hour and a half later I left the palace, I jumped into a 7-11 to change back into my shorts, not wanting a repeat of the previous occurrence.

I walked away from Khao San road and came upon a market. It was right along the waterfront and was full of mostly Thai people.









I felt more calm, more chill, more Bond-like amongst these people. I wasn't one of them, but I walked among them... A peaceful and quiet observer, like a night-stalker, but non-violent.





I walked around for a majority of the day, getting lost while periodically checking my location on a map to ensure I always knew where I was. I walked along the river and came to a University. I walked around the grounds, past the Economics building, through the cafeteria and found myself feeling super zen and chilled out, like a stoned monk. I sat down by the waterfront and watched the boats go by. I looked at the skyline on the other side of the river and wondered who lived in the apartments, what they did, what they were doing right now, and if any of them were hooking up...

It was getting dark, and I was getting hungry. Oh shit, I needed to buy my ticket too...



An hour later and I was back on the Khao San... A familiar sneer returned to my face, of disdain and of, well, mostly disdain.



I walked into a travel agent and told them I needed to get to Kho Chang... "700 Baht there and back, bud" that lady said. Sounding more like a New York taxi driver than a Thai women... "The place down the road quotes me at 600, can you do this?" She got on her phone and started screaming into it in Thai. This continued for like 4 and a half minutes... I wondered what she was saying, even if this had anything to do with me. She hangs up, and without saying a word takes my money and gives me a ticket. She writes down on a piece of paper, "Be here at 8A.M. tomorrow". What a weird lady... I backed out of the shop so she couldn't attack me as I was leaving.

I went to the restaurant next to the Shabad House and ate dinner. Pad Thai naturally. I went back to the guest house and went into my room. It was 11:30 P.M. and I had to get up early tomorrow. I watched a bootleg copy of Avatar and went to bed, not knowing that tomorrow my trip would start getting fucking awesome beyond belief.