Today I have a big day ahead of me. I have to buy a bus ticket to Koh Chang, visit the Grand Palace and then drink... Koh Chang is an island about 330 km away from Bangkok. It will be my home for the next 5 nights.
It's about 11 in the A.M. Getting out of bed when you're already sweating is kind of a bitch. I mean, it sets the whole mood for the day, like getting peed on.
Walking down Khao San road I feel surprisingly blase and bored for someone on vacation. All around me there were people selling shirts, people buying fruit, power hippies drinking, dumb blond girls doing dumb blond girl things, people selling wooden frogs... Is this what Thailand is I wondered? Where are all the elephants? Where are the ladies with pointy things on their fingers?
'I have to get out of here' I thought to myself. Khao San road is like Rosarito Mexico, or the bar in From Dusk til Dawn. A good idea that seems awesome but turns out to suck balls.
I needed to experience some real Thailand, I need 300cc's of real Thai culture, stat. So I decided to try and find it, today. I'm going to walk that way until I find it. Oh wait, I'll follow that girl... A block later she turned around and turned out to be a dude, so I walked the other way...
Getting away from Khao San I realized how big this city really is. And how different it can be from the tourist trap that is Khao San. Walking in the direction of the Grand Palace I began to see fewer shirt stands, and fewer power hippies...
The city opened up before me like the mighty doors of a majestic castle, champagne rained down from the jewel encrusted ceiling and elephants danced in a secret garden of azure... God Damn, that hookah was not tobacco... And I think I'm dehydrated.
So I walked into a 7-11 and bought a bottle of water and some Thai red bull. While inside I saw a monk buying a hot dog... I tried to get a spy shot but got mostly my hand... see...
I thought they only ate rice and stuff. I thought Big Gulps were out of the question, but I guess not.
About an hour later I came upon the Grand Palace. Check it out...
One thing about the Grand Palace that I though was pretty bunk was their rule of no shorts allowed. Pants not midgets. Which I think would be fine in the winter, but when it's 95 degrees outside, it fucking sucks. I brought pants with me, but was reluctant to change into them until the last minutes, due to the excessive heat.
So I show up, and find myself in a catch 22 situation. There are no bathrooms outside of the palace, so I would have to go inside to change, but you can't go inside wearing shorts... Fuckers...
So I had to think fast... I went behind the ticket booth and took off my shorts... All of a sudden this Thai dude with a machine gun, I hope he was one of the guards, walks behind the ticket booth, stands like 5 feet away from me, and just stares. At this point I'm wearing boxers and no shoes, and fishing through my backpack for my pants. I see him and stop fishing, and just try to look cool... Like James Bond... This is the epitome of getting caught with your pants down I thought to myself, actually this is the definition... So the guy holds his ground, still staring without saying a word... Is he going to shoot me? I hope he doesn't shoot me in the wiener, I remember thinking to myself.
I find my pants, put them on and zip up. I put my shorts in my backpack and walk past the guy with the machine gun... He turns and watches me as I turn the corner... Wow, that was kind of weird...
The Grand Palace was pretty awesome, temples and statues and stuff... But I needed to mingle with the locals, soak up some local flavor...
About an hour and a half later I left the palace, I jumped into a 7-11 to change back into my shorts, not wanting a repeat of the previous occurrence.
I walked away from Khao San road and came upon a market. It was right along the waterfront and was full of mostly Thai people.
I felt more calm, more chill, more Bond-like amongst these people. I wasn't one of them, but I walked among them... A peaceful and quiet observer, like a night-stalker, but non-violent.
I walked around for a majority of the day, getting lost while periodically checking my location on a map to ensure I always knew where I was. I walked along the river and came to a University. I walked around the grounds, past the Economics building, through the cafeteria and found myself feeling super zen and chilled out, like a stoned monk. I sat down by the waterfront and watched the boats go by. I looked at the skyline on the other side of the river and wondered who lived in the apartments, what they did, what they were doing right now, and if any of them were hooking up...
It was getting dark, and I was getting hungry. Oh shit, I needed to buy my ticket too...
An hour later and I was back on the Khao San... A familiar sneer returned to my face, of disdain and of, well, mostly disdain.
I walked into a travel agent and told them I needed to get to Kho Chang... "700 Baht there and back, bud" that lady said. Sounding more like a New York taxi driver than a Thai women... "The place down the road quotes me at 600, can you do this?" She got on her phone and started screaming into it in Thai. This continued for like 4 and a half minutes... I wondered what she was saying, even if this had anything to do with me. She hangs up, and without saying a word takes my money and gives me a ticket. She writes down on a piece of paper, "Be here at 8A.M. tomorrow". What a weird lady... I backed out of the shop so she couldn't attack me as I was leaving.
I went to the restaurant next to the Shabad House and ate dinner. Pad Thai naturally. I went back to the guest house and went into my room. It was 11:30 P.M. and I had to get up early tomorrow. I watched a bootleg copy of Avatar and went to bed, not knowing that tomorrow my trip would start getting fucking awesome beyond belief.
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