First day on the job

Today I woke up at 7:20am, a new record for me. It was my first day at my new school. I was super excited. My school is about 2 blocks from my apartment and as I stepped out of my apartment around 8am it was already like 90 degrees, and it looked like rain.

As I walked up to the school there were 3 teachers wearing surgical masks and holding thermometers. Because of the Swine Flu "epidemic" they have to take everyone's temperature before they enter the school. They have those ear thermometers but they don't have any plastic protective covers for them... In a school of over a thousand kids and only 3 thermometers... Carry the 2... Thats over 300 kids ears that this thing has been in just today. Imagine sticking your finger in 300 kids ears and then sticking it in your ear, not what I wanted to do my first day. People are super afraid of Swine Flu here in Korea. Never mind the fact that they all use the same thermometer and eat out of the same soup bowl with their own spoon (talk about double dipping...)... There is a handy swine flu chart all over Korea.

I will translate as best I can...

1 - While washing your hands, gray faceless people may accumulate outside the bathroom.

2 - Little girls and boys should hold hands and sneeze directly into their surgical masks and handkerchiefs.

3 - While wearing a tuxedo, try not to think about the gray faceless people.

4 - Doctors and nurses in Korea have special powers that can be used to levitate huge horse pills.

5 - While camping, have 2 glasses of water right next to you.

6 - If you are sick, only sneeze on the elderly and pregnant women.

...

So I rushed past the thermometer people without using the community thermometer and quickly ran to the shoe cubbys. In Korea, all children and teachers take their shoes off indoors and wear either socks or slippers. I have to do the same. I have a pair of shitty black plastic sandals that I was given, they are the largest size available in Korea without a special order and my feet hang over the edge a good inch. I look like a German who just hit a mean growth spurt. Socks and sandals isn't really my forte but it turned out to be pretty cool. It brings a more homey, less formal vibe to everything. All the female teachers have plastic sandals with heels in them... I even saw a guy today on the street today wearing heeled sandals... He was still like 5'6''.

My first class started around 9:10am. The bell to signal classes is some soundtrack from a video game, it's pretty cool, I feel like I'm about to save the princess. About 35 kids came running into the classroom and now I know what an animal at the zoo feels like. They were all staring at me with a look of wonder in their eyes. So they sat down and the teacher said something in Korean and they all OOhed and AAhed at the new foreigner. They asked me to prepare an introductory PowerPoint presentation about where I come from and about my family. The ppt I made was super stereotypical. I showed some pictures of the fam and of my college that I took. I made a few pages about some popular cities in America. For the New York page I had taxis, the statue of liberty, a hot dog stand and a shot of the skyline. For Dallas, Texas I had a picture of J.R. Ewing, some guy rasseling a rattle snake and a pic of some delicious looking BBQ. For Los Angeles I had Brad Pitt, the Hollywood sign and a picture of bumper to bumper traffic. For San Francisco I had a pic of the Golden Gate bridge, and a skyline shot. I wanted to put a gay guy but didn't think it was appropriate and didn't really want to explain that on the first day to a bunch of fifth graders...

All the kids were super nice and all bowed to me at the end and said "Bye Teacher!"... Holy shit, I'm a teacher, the tables have finally turned. I'm about to be paid back for all the pain and suffering I have inflected on countless teachers over the past some-odd years. I think I'm going to do what countless creepy guys and the witch in Hansel and Gretel did, give them candy until they like me. That always works.

I only worked a half day today. I left school after lunch to go to the immigration office in Inchon to get my Alien Registration Card. I am now a registered alien. Sweet. Tomorrow I jump into the mix and work a full day, definitely going to drink more coffee tomorrow morning.