Poppin and lockin with the one eyed Korean gangstaz

This weekend I traveled about 45 minutes from my house to a place called Anyang, and it was fucking awesome...

One thing I noticed right away was that people were all taking pictures with one eye covered by their hand... What the hell was this all about? At first I thought it was like blind awareness day or there was a pirate convention in town or something, but the more I looked, the more eye covering I saw.


(This guy was super faded)



Old, young, men, women, hotties, notties and fuglies alike... All one eye covered. I'm familiar with the peace sign, which is standard in every other picture on this continent, but this one was completely new for me. Maybe it has something to do with being drunk or something... But it was super bizarre. I asked around and no one seemed to know what it means. I even asked my co-teachers the next day and they said something to each other in Korean and then told me they didn't know... I think they do know, dammit, but they're just not telling me...

I was in no mood for beer on this night, I needed strong drink. So we hit the nearest 7-11 (Good old sevy) and posted up right outside to discuss a game plan. I decided that Gatorade and Soju would both keep me hydrated and make me look more athletic, while at the same time making me look like less of a raging alcoholic drinking right on the street. I usually steer clear of Soju, drinking the stuff is like ringing out a bar towel at the end of the night into your mouth, and the hangover is worse...

Right outside of the 7-11 was a little stand selling kabobs. Me and my buddy were discussing whether the owners were from India or Pakistan. I said Pakistan. But the odds are definitely in his favor I guess... Anyway, the guy would take off his plastic gloves and pick his nose every like 2 minutes... It was pretty revolting... But I still got a kabob... It was fucking great, and super spicy. It gave me the hick-ups it was so spicy. I wonder why that happened?

We decide to go to this bar called "Hip-Hop Bar". It was in the basement below a KFC and a place called "Elvis Bar".

The Elvis bar looked pretty cool, so we made a slight detour. They had a poker table (Gambling is legal for foreigners in Korea, but illegal for natives((or is it the other way around?))), tons of great beer and even a karaoke machine with all of the king's hits. The best thing about the Elvis bar was the hot waitress who was talking to us. She started out by saying "I love America", which I've heard like a million times here already. She then attempted to pretend like she was drinking out of this huge corona bottle at the edge of the bar, but instead of look cool she proceeded to knock over like 15 beer glasses and shatter them all over the ground... She walked away and didn't talk to us again after that...

After soaking up enough Korean Graceland, we headed downstairs to the Hip-Hop bar. The first thing I noticed when we got into the place is that there was a fucking baby in the DJ booth. Like a 1 year old. This place was hella loud too. I'm not sure... This kid will either be super awesome or a deaf psycho when he grows up. The second thing I noticed was all the Korean gangsta wannabes. These guys were decked out in the douchiest items American culture has to offer. Backwards hats with the stickers still on the bill, huge ass white tee shirts that go past the knees. And they all were busting this little Pop and Lock dance with one eye covered. But they would do it for like 5 seconds and then stop, like they were compelled, and then depelled at an incredible rate.

Korean Gangstaz turned out to be very different than their American counterparts. They're hella nice! These guys are super friendly and even open doors for you. I was pretty surprised. They even tried to teach me their dance, which I butchered pretty badly but they seemed pretty impressed and were giving me high-fives the rest of the night. I guess the old Japanese proverb is right, "We're fools whether we dance or not, so we might as well dance".

The rest of the night?... Well.. I'll let the good Dr. explain it... "If I'd written all the truth I knew for the past ten years, about 600 people would be rotting in prison cells from Rio to Seattle today. Absolute truth is a very rare and dangerous commodity"

The funniest part of the trip came on the subway back. My buddy, who is straight, got a text from an unknown number at like 10:45am, it read, "Hey let's fuck, Ron"... No one knew who the hell Ron was, I tried to tell him it was short for Ronda or Veronica or something, but in the back of my mind I kind of laughed...

No thank you Ron...

No thank you...